The Ugly Ducklings

Last we talked about the cars we'd love to drive before we died. This week, I wanted to talk about the flipside of that question. Which cars do we wish we'd never seen? I'm not one for bashing someone's hard work, but there are some cars that the automakers need to be informed of their poor judgment.

SIMON: My top 5 ugly cars goes a little like this. They're not in any particular order, but a general list of vehicles that make my skin crawl at the sight of them.

#1: Pontiac Aztek. I guess it was supposed to be a compact SUV or something. However, it looks like something that came out of the design studios of Tupperware. I'm so glad it's no longer exists.


#2: The current Cadillac range. For me, they've never had a pretty collection of cars over the last 35yrs, but I do appreciate what they've done to freshen up their range and make more hip looking. However the combination of slab sides and sharp edges is a turn off. The styling does come off looking like futuristic and outdated at the same time. It was the kind of thing I was drawing in design class when I was 12.

#3: Chevy HHR. I liked the PT Cruiser at lot (especially the convertible). It was a nice retro looking car and fun to drive. The HHR tried to follow in those tire tracks and went horribly wrong. It looks more like a toy than a real car. Whereas the PT Cruiser is elegant, the HHR is vulgar. Should have been called the HMM...


#4: The Smart Car. I'm not hating on because it's small. Pocket sized cars are a bit of a redheaded step child in the US, but in Europe and Japan, they are commonplace. Virtually every car manufacturer puts out a practical and economical sub-compact that is far more versatile than the Smart Car. The Smart Car is a smart idea when there are even smarter ones in the same one. The current advert on the TV centers on people saying "big" and one person saying "small." It's a cute ad, but I would like to add an addendum to the ad. When the "small" man leaves in his Smart Car, I want an 18-wheeler to flatten it and someone to say, "Big again." If you want a small car, buy a Mini, Fiat 500 or Ford KA.


#5: Mercedes CL65. I have call Mercedes out in general. I think Mercedes has lost its class. They used make to make well appointed cars for people who could afford them. Now they hurl out vulgar muscle cars with way too much power that a slew of super computers try to dial back. Their gas mileage is awful. For me the CL65 embodies everything bad about Mercedes these days--it's not a great looking car, but my God its personality is a lot worse. I can forgive the cars above for their shortcomings, but I can't show this car any mercy.

My dishonorable mentions include Lexus in general, Nissan Prairie (from the mid-80's), British Leyland’s Princess, Maxi and Allegro.

What makes your ugly list, Tams?

TAMMY: I knew there was a reason we're friends. #1 says it all.

#1: Pontiac Aztek. My God. That should be numbers one through three. Most hideous thing ever.

#2: 1979 Pontiac Trans Am. It epitomizes the worst of the 70s styling and excess, in my mind.

#3: Really, anything else from the 1970s I have no love for that era of cars. None.

#4: The Honda Crosstour. It looks like the blown up rear of one kind of car and the over-agressive front of another. I don't know what it's trying to be, but it's not good.

#5: 1984 Aston Martin Lagonda wagon. Sorry,

"shooting brace," as though that'll make it less hideous. I mean, really. It looks like a stretched-out Volvo. It was enormous and expensive. And I just don't get it. Proof that fabulous car makers don't always make elegant cars, I guess.

What about the rest of you? What do you think are the ugly ducklings out there? And will any of them ever turn into a swan?